Recently I was looking over some old blogposts I had written around this time of year, three years ago. It is amazing how much has changed. I have now graduated from college, started graduate school, become a married woman, had a son, moved across the world. If you had asked me where I thought I would be in three years at that point in my life, I wonder if I could have imagined all that the Lord had in store. As far as spiritual growth, I am excited that the Lord has grown me in many ways. Yet there are also numerous areas I yearn to grow more spiritually. It is amazing how quickly time can pass by and I continue in the mundane rather than living radically changed by the gospel. I am thankful for the opportunity to primarily serve the Lord through being a wife and a mother- I want this avenue to push me more into His word and sanctify me. I want my daily decisions in this life to make a difference in eternity. I want to press on to tell others about the gospel- regularly! I hope to use these next three years (should the Lord give them to me) well. So here’s to a little reflection on the past:
September 29, 2007 (via Iontheauthor xanga account)
So i haven’t reflected on things in quite some time now.
I feel very blessed in this season of my life. much to be thankful for. recently losing my grandfather reminded me how fortunate I am to have a mother, father, brother, and sister. it’s so normal for me to take these relationships for granted. yet, everything I have is due to God’s blessing.
It’s interesting, how I find I am much closer to the Lord when I am in trials, rather than during the seasons of plenty. Those hard times of my life are so precious to me now, thinking back to how I yearned for Christ with everything in me, as it was my sustenance for each day. i’m hungry for that intimacy again.
though, I have found that even during the harvest- satan still lures me into thinking I would be more satisfied if I had… fill in the blank… that is so dumb. I shake my head just thinking about it. I must find my joy in Christ, happiness will fluctuate as people and things temporarily fill the void; but my joy, my true fulfillment, comes from Him alone. and I like being dependent on Him to fill me up.
I am truly homesick to be with my Father sometimes. this spiritual warfare can be taxing. it makes me ready to be glorified. then I remember that this is the only time I will have to tell others about this hope. I wish I were more bold. I need to lay aside my pride and just do it. I find myself making excuses too much. I miss working a secular job. that’s what I want to do with my life- develop relationships with people who need Jesus, and lead them to its wonderful mercies. it seems so simple, but i’m not sure what else would satisfy my soul. my life is so short, I can’t justify spending the little time I have here investing in a selfish temporary environment just for my pleasure. oh well, i’ll cross that bridge when I come to it I guess.
I like having a boyfriend. 9 months of getting to know someone from a completely different background has been quite the eye-opener. i’ve never really done the whole “serious relationship” thing before, it’s a bit of a change from miss independent. I can’t hide my sin, nor stay in it for too long either without it effecting him. it’s a frustrating and completely rewarding situation all at the same time. It’s also extremely humbling to grasp a man care for me despite all my flaws, and realize that the Maker of this universe- the one I truly sin against- cares for me that much more. God is so good to me, sometimes I just have to stop and pause a little to take it all in.
routine is back in style with work and school. hopefully, I can make an effort to memorize scripture on a regular basis. I want my days to count for something. when the day is done, what do i have to say for glorifying God? hopefully, something.
I am meeting a friend on monday to start a beth moore study. i am super excited about being pushed out of my flesh. it’s good to have a sister in the Lord to do this with. that’s all i have for now..
maybe more thoughts later. off to enjoy another undeserved gorgeous fall day….
Thanks for reading!