**Song of Solomon 2:7 states, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” If you are single (not engaged to be married or married) I do not recommend reading this post. It is a post designed to help married women learn more about resources for their sex life. When you are married, you will be so thankful for waiting til the time God ordained that sexual intimacy be enjoyed (then you can come back and read it). Until then, just skip over this post please 🙂 **
This post is inspired by a question I received asking what resources I recommended on the topic of sex (especially in regards to pre-marital counseling). The following resources include a list of which books, blogs, and audio series have been a blessing within our marriage.
a few books I would recommend are as follows:
-Ed Wheat’s “Intended for Pleasure” (http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275835944&sr=8-1). This book is the “go-to” book for a basic anatomic perspective of sex from a Christian Doctor. It is extremely helpful to couples who are about to get married as it especially addresses couples who are virgins. With seventeen chapters, it speaks to various topics including sex after 60, 70, 80; sex during pregnancy; and sexually transmitted diseases. The book begins with a chapter discussing that God’s creation of sex in Genesis, and relays the goodness of the act within marriage. The book further addresses solutions to common intimacy problems and answers to frequently asked questions. The only major area of concern with this resource is the Wheat’s displeasure with oral sex, claiming that it limits verbal communication within intimacy. One might respond that as long as Scripture does not directly forbid this act, as long as both the husband and wife are comfortable with this aspect of intimacy, it should be permissible.
-Rosenau’s Celebration of Sex (http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275835944&sr=8-1). This book is also written from a technical perspective as Rosenau boasts of seventeen years of being a licensed psychologist, and a Christian sex therapist. Similar to Ed Wheat’s book, Rosenau gives descriptive detail of the differences in male and female anatomy in relation to sex. His book features interesting suggestions to create a atmosphere conducive for intimacy. Several such chapters include a focus on the benefit of massage, sexual communication, and creative intercourse.
-Dillow and Pintus’ “21 Questions Christian Women ask about Sex” (http://www.amazon.com/Intimate-Issues-Questions-Christian-Women/dp/1578561493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275836098&sr=1-1). This book is a personal favorite as it answers many relevant questions for the Christian wife. The questions were compiled from a nation-wide poll of a over one thousand women and delegates the popular questions to three different categories. Some of the questions include:”How do I relate when he’s a microwave and I’m a crock-pot,” “I’m attracted to another man! Help,” “What’s not ok in bed,” “What do I do when HE has a headache.” Since it is written from a female perspective to female audience, the book is a easy read and filled with grace, truth, and practical tips.
-C.J. Mahaney’s “Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God” (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Romance-Glory-God-Christian/dp/1581346247/ref=pd_sim_b_42). Though this book designed to teach men how to romance their wives, it is still worth the read (and contains a brief chapter to women [from his wife] in the last chapter). At only 128 pages, this book will amaze you at the depth of its theology and wisdom. The book addresses practical ways to love your wife, as well as devoting a chapter on the importance of marriage as a covenant.
-Ideally the book “For Women Only” by Shanti Feldhahn (http://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-about-Inner-Lives/dp/1590523172/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b) is a good resource- but it is very stereotypical of men and women’s general expectations in their sex life/marriage life. For the couple who are unstereotypical when it comes to sexual expectations, may find it to be somewhat discouraging, (consult Dillow’s book for addressing such questions). However, I still recommend the book for the general understanding of male and female- I would just give it that caveat.
–A book that Shaun recommends (that I have also yet to read) is “Sex and the Supremacy of Christ” edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Supremacy-Christ-ebook/dp/B00283PQDI/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2). This is a good book to help develop a theology of sexuality. In includes chapters specifically on sex for the single man, single woman, and married couples. It addresses how each person in the body of Christ can use their sexuality to the glory of God.
–I’ve also heard “Sheet Music” by Leman is great resource. It is on my “to-be read” list. (http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=pd_sim_b_3). It specifically address sex for the soon to be married couple and features topics of interest to those who have been married for years. Some of the chapter titles include: “Learning to make music: the first night and beyond,””Why a good sex life is worth striving for,” “Oral pleasures,” and “Sex in the Winter”. If you have read it, I would be interested to hear your review of it.
– Finally a great resource that I highly highly recommend reading on the birth control pill is Randy Alcorn’s ” Is the Birth Control Pill an Abortifacient?” (http://www.epm.org/store/product/birth-control-pill-book/) [you can download the pdf version for free: http://www.epm.org/static/uploads/downloads/book-resources/bcpill.pdf]. I hope to discuss this topic more on my blog in the future, but in the meantime I recommend this resource for any couple currently considering birth control options or couples on the pill. In quick summary, this book addresses in detail the abortive effects of each current birth control pill prescribed today. It is a must-read book filled with the grace of a Christian Pastor, as well as technical details your doctor may not have revealed to you.
A few blogs I really like are:
–http://themarriagebed.com/ This website is written by a christian couple addressing intimate issues within marriage. It combines the truth of the Bible along with biological facts to help the couple seeking relevant information on intimacy. The website has a specific page devoted to engaged couples as well as a page devoted to pregnant women. Other topics of interest include “how to strip for your husband,” “non-sexual massage,” “romance ideas,” and a page of other resources on sex. This site also covers bold topics such as oral sex, choosing lubricants, and vibrators.
–http://www.the-generous-wife.com/ a blog that is written by the wife of the above mentioned website. It is directed towards helping women be generous to their husband (often times giving general sexual tips for how to please their husbands).
–http://www.the-generous-husband.com/ The same scenario, except written by the husband of the above mentioned website and directed towards husbands.
–http://christiannymphos.org/– I am not as familiar with this website, but it seems to contain a good bit of helpful and relevant information.
audio that I like:
– ‘Before the wedding night’ This is the most helpful resource for a couple about to be married. It is a great gift for lingerie parties. Based on the book, Intended for Pleasure, this three hour audio cd includes an hour of basic pre-marital counseling followed by a two hour session on explicit anatomical information on how to have a good honeymoon. It is not necessary (or recommended) that the couple listen to this audio together, but preferrably seperately within a week or less of their upcoming honeymoon. A great resource!
– http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/2/1665_Sex_Romance_and_the_Glory_of_God_What_Every_Christian_Wife_Needs_to_Know/ This is one of the many talks given at the 2004 Desiring God conference. In this lecture, Carolyn Mahaney addresses married women with remarkable graciousness and truth. The other sermons from the conference are avaliable here: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/2/
– http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-peasant-princess/preview This is a sermon series given by Mark Driscoll at his church in Mars Hill. It is an exegetical outlook at the Song of Solomon. Shaun and I are currently working through this set together and have enjoyed it immensly.
I hope this is helpful. What resources do you recommend?
Thanks for reading!