Though my aim in this blog is to encourage women, I think there is a certain aspect of vulnerability which can be comforting as well. I find that sometimes I enjoy someone being real, more than a list of what to do better. If you happen to be reading this- as we get settled into this new place, I think journaling on this might become more of a pattern- just to record all the events, sights, sounds, smells, and newness of this place I will learn to call home.
I really do love my husband. Unfortunately as of late, we have developed a pattern of eliminating personal time with the Lord. This is a little bit hard for me to admit out loud so to speak, (being ingrained into my head since 7th grade), but somehow we slowly let it slip away. It is amazing to me how much this decision effects other aspects of life. I am never more snippy, critical, sarcastic, and manipulative to my husband than when I have failed to be fulfilled by Christ. We are less inclined to enjoy each other, and are repeatedly frustrated at unmet expectations. This said, Shaun and I agreed to avoid checking anything on the internet until we have met with Christ. I think it is easy to legalistically commit to having devotions every morning to earn your approval before Christ. I also can admit to this sin. Nevertheless, a firm foundation in Christ is one that needs to be nurtured each and everyday on the grounds of grace and humility, not for merit. And thankfully, Shaun’s spiritual leadership in this decision has been such a refreshment to my empty soul. I love reading the Bible together and realizing that I need God and cannot survive on my own. I daily face challenges and struggles that require a God to lead and guide me to righteousness. I love praying and asking God to forgive me, again and again and again.
I have been trying to analyze my sin too, I think I recently have been bombarded with a dose of pride. I have applauded myself for enjoying the “hard” life over here. Shaun and I were discussing my disposition to be this way. I think its root centers on wanting others to like me. Perhaps, if I convince myself that I am likable enough, then others will think so too. If I am the best, then everyone will want to be around me. When in fact, the opposite is most true. Most people are annoyed by those who think highly of themselves, or appear to have it all together. They don’t really want to hang around with someone who thinks they are perfect. Isn’t pride ironic? Besides, it is so much easier to release my desire to be some concocted, perfect, likable person, and just be myself. That is who Jesus saved in the first place, me.
On a slight change of subject, I am really going to miss Shaun getting back into the swing of school. I have so enjoyed his company as of late. We arrived here two weeks early in order to get acquainted with the city before his school began, and it has flown by. It’s kinda like when you go on your honeymoon and you spend all day together and when you get back home, school and work starts so quickly you wonder if things will ever be that good again. So this Monday, that starts that for him. You can pray that the Lord will fulfill me in this regard.
Today we spent a good majority of the day touring the city. Shaun surprised me and took me to a tea room! I was joking about how the only thing I miss is Wake Forest’s Olde English Tea Room. Though I think Rosie Thistle’s Tea Room is quite a sufficient replacement. We split a Scottish Breakfast Tea and it can complete with matching cup and saucers and ginger snap biscuits. It was such a delightful place, I wish I could show you pictures. Once we return again (and my carry-on bag with our camera charger returns) I will post them.
Later, we visited The Museum of Art. It was lovely to experience some of Scotland’s culture together. Though, we both really enjoyed the gift shop the most, it was a great trip. We concluded the day with a walk through St. Peter’s cemetery. This place is rather close to our flat, so we decided to peak in. You can see a number of the gravestones from our kitchen and bedroom window. It is actually stunningly historical and thought-provoking rather living next to something creepy. We read many of the tombstones. I find it particularly amazing that God was intricately involved in each of those hundreds of lives. For me it is just another a title to read: “alexander, wife of John”, but the God who answers all my prayers was also close to those twins that died at 3 months (on one of the gravestones), or the wife of John. Peaked my interest for sure.
I conclude by expressing a brief sentiment of my utter joy for being mom to my son. It was his half birthday today, and his father and I couldn’t be more proud of his being in our life. His smile makes me forget all that is around me. His newly discovered giggles make us stop in the middle of the street to capture them with him. We could not be happier parents.
Thanks for reading. .. the end.